


But he doesn't even like me

by carpelibris



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpelibris/pseuds/carpelibris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This has probably been done to death and much better and I have no idea what I’m doing but I was listening to The Smiths, 'Girl Afraid' and I had a little spark to write something so I thought I’d give it a go. I thought about what would've happened around Knebworth or just before around the time they’re sniping at each other about Rae not knowing about Chloe's 'secret boyfriend'. When Finn was being cagey around her and what would happen if she’d confronted him about it and this is what came out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But he doesn't even like me

‘So, what did you think of the band then?’ The place was mobbed when they’d managed to get hold of what looked like the last table at the chippy when she glanced over at Finn who had taken the seat diagonal from her to save everybody’s seats as they waited for their orders. She’d thought they were actually pretty good set-wise, considering The Swan wasn't the best venue it was a really good night. A bit boring towards the end though, but that was mostly because she wasn't a huge fan of some of the covers.

‘Alright I s’pose.’ Finn mumbled. He’d been like that for most of the night or at least around her. She couldn't tell if he’d had a good time or not, seemed like his default. Not like she was all that concerned with his opinions, he looked like a trance fan. Or did he even have any? His face had been a mask of indifference, not unlike the look he had right then where he sat. He didn't speak again so she took it that was the end of it.

She didn't bother to ask anything else after that and left him to it. She watched instead as he bit at his nails absently and looked out at the window. Right, fine. This was so stupid, that had been all of four syllables, not even a sentence. Rae looked away and over at the counter. Arch and chop hadn't even got to the middle of the queue yet and Izzy and Chloe were about three people behind them, no chance of a pizza anytime soon then. They’d be sitting about like this for a while. Brilliant, total silence it was then.

Rae slumped back into her seat and dug her hands into her jacket pockets. She didn't get it. He was a grumpy git whenever she was about. Didn't matter what she did, what she said. It wasn't like she hadn't tried. Back at the pub it was the same. He avoided looking at her and when he did if she so much as looked back his head snapped round so fast like he was Regan from the bloody exorcist. She even asked Chloe as she got more and more fed up. ‘He doesn't even like me,’ she confessed after her second pint.

‘He’s like that with everybody.’

‘Right,’ sure he was.

An eruption of laughter from outside broke her out from her thoughts and she risked another glance over towards Finn who was messing about with his fringe, head tilted down and leaning it on his right arm and doing anything to avoid so much as a flicker of eye contact when something in her snapped.

‘Fuck it,’ the chair creaked in protest as she got up. ‘Don’t know what your problem is, don’t care,’ Rae shrugged and looked over at Finn. ‘Tried to be nice to yah but you can’t even be bothered to talk to me half the time, so I get it.’ He had the nerve to look upset with his eyebrows pushing together like he couldn't quite understand what she was saying. Such a prat.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw four figures move from the front of the counter and towards the table with the welcoming scent of the pizza and chips in their hands. She could hear them chatting all happy as they moved to sit down until they saw what was going on. None of them moved from beside the table, not sure what was going on or what to do. Rae felt a sting of embarrassment and guilt, suddenly feeling bad. Brilliant timing, but she didn't look over at them and continued.

‘I get it alright, you don’t want me about with your mates. I know when I’m not welcome so, message received,’ she shrugged again as a mixture of anger and a traitorous stab of rejection that made her chest sting. ‘Nothing against the rest of you, it’s been nice,’ she looked up at Archie first and smiled close-mouthed. She really liked them. She felt a bit stupid now to actually think that normal people would want her about, that there were decent people in Stamford, that she had a chance. Idiot. Chop looked over at her, a bit concerned as she got up from the table, eyebrows raised in surprise and looked over at Izzy who just looked uncomfortable and tried to smile in sympathy and then over to Finn who looked like all the blood had drained out of his face.

Rae grabbed her bag and slung it over her left shoulder, ready to go. ‘See you about yeah?’ She looked over at Chloe who hadn't moved an inch, chips still in hand.

‘Rae, hold on,’ she piped up and the rest of them followed and turned to protest.

‘You’re alright,’ her voice didn't quite hold out as her throat got tight, ‘see you after.’ She gave her a half-hearted wave and before anybody could do anything else she was already out the door and half way down the street. Don’t cry, don’t you dare bloody cry, she chanted in her head as she moved past the window and down towards the road. What did she expect, that people could actually be nice? To Her? Not bloody likely, she knew that and it still hurt. It was still shit.

The street was still busy as she dodged and weaved past people heading back from nights out and tried to ignore anything the odd drunk said. She didn't hear the faint tentative steps that trailed a few paces after her. Rae instead kept her head down, wanting to get as far as she could from people before she made a total twat of herself and cried in public.

She made it down to the corner shop when a hand cupped the top of her shoulder and gripped it to pull her around. When she turned her head to tell Big G or Ninja to sod off, that this really wasn't the night the words dried up in her mouth.

‘What now?’ She managed. There was irritation in her voice but her eyes betrayed her with the sting of tears she couldn't quite hold back. Finn stopped where he stood with a strange look on his face that if she didn't know better actually looked like he might have felt bad.

‘Rae,’ he opened his mouth but stopped looking at her and instead down at his hands.

‘Save it,’ she shook her head and made to keep going, just wanting to go home and forget it even happened.

‘Wait,’ he made about two strides and crossed in front of her, blocking her exit. ‘I’m sorry,’ he put his hands down into his jeans and shifted about where he stood awkwardly. ‘I didn't mean to make ya think…I-I wasn't trying to-‘ Finn huffed and stood up straighter and threw his hands up slightly in resignation. ‘I’m crap at this stuff.’

‘Look, I know Chloe sent you, just tell her I’ll ring her tomorrow yeah?’

‘Nobody sent me,’ he assured her, growing confused and then frustrated as Rae turned away to keep walking again. ‘What are you doing?’ He pulled her back again gently. ‘Would you just listen, please.’

‘No, it’s fine. I’m not bothered.’ She made a face like she couldn't care less. It took more effort than she’d have liked. ‘You’re not the first person to hate me, used to it by now.’ She couldn't be bothered to lie about it, ‘It’s fine. I get it.’

‘I don’t hate you,’ his voice cracked. ‘I really don’t hate you,’ his voice took on a pleading note and she grew frustrated. She didn't trust herself to look up at him again. She hated how much it hurt. How much she wanted his approval, to be liked. ‘I don’t,’ he said again quietly stepping towards her. He looked at her like she was something fragile, like he was scared to touch her. What was this all about then?

‘Then why are ya-‘ She didn't get to finish that thought as an arm reached round her waist, pulling her towards him suddenly as he laid a tentative kiss on her cheek. He looked hesitant and wary as he trailed his hands down her arms, looking right at her, not stepping away as she felt her face redden with his stare.

‘I’m sorry,’ his voice was soft as he ran a hand through her hair and moved to her jaw. He caught her eye, looking for permission before tilting his head and meeting her lips with his.

Bloody hell.


End file.
